Jokes - Dimocratia

I'm reading a book on anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.
I was wondering why the baseball kept getting bigger and bigger. Then it hit me.
What has two butts and kills people? An assassin.
Did you hear about the man who installed a window in his butt? It was a pane in the ass.
The doctor asked why I drank brake fluid. I said I just couldn't stop.
A tub of margarine fell on my foot three weeks ago and it still hurts. Hope the pain doesn't spread.
I lost three fingers on my right hand, so I asked my doctor if I would still be able to write with it. He said "Maybe, but I wouldn't count on it."
What are people who never get angry? Nomads!
Scientists recently combined DNA of a cheetah with the DNA of a crab. Things went sideways real fast.
NASA is launching a satellite to say sorry to aliens. They are calling it the Apollo G.

My grandfather has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the local zoo.
I can still remember the last words my grandfather said before he kicked the bucket. He said, "Hey, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?"
Two cannibals are eating a clown, and one turns to the other and asks, "Does this taste funny to you?"
A man went into a library and asked for a book about suicide. The librarian said "Get off! You won't bring it back."
Why can't orphans play baseball? They don't know where home is.
Blind girl rejected me when I asked her out. Which was really weird since she said she wasn't seeing anyone. She probably couldn't see a future in it.

What's long, hard and full of seamen? Submarines.
What's the difference between light and hard? You can actually sleep with a light on.
When a woman has a baby, why is it called delivery? It's pretty obvious that it's takeout.
Why do vampires have low fertility rate? Because they can't come inside unless invited.
Do you know why boxers don't have sex the week before a fight? Makes eye contact awkward in the ring.
A woman breaks up with a man with a small penis. His friends were amazed he didn't seem hurt or phased by the breakup. "It's okay," he said. "I wasn't that into her."
I freaked out my mailman today when I came to the door completely naked. I'm not sure what shocked him more, my naked body, or the fact that I knew where he lived.
Two Thai girls asked me if I wanted to sleep with them. They said it would be like winning the Lottery. To my horror they were right, we had six matching balls.
Standing 69. I thought it would be great and it would give me a chance to impress my wife, but after a little while I get dizzy and have to ask her to put me down.
Last night it took me almost 5 minutes to undo my wife's bra. I won't put that on again.

I met a guy from North Korea and asked him what his country was like. He said he can't complain.
North Korean girl was in the Olympics. She didn't win the Gold, but her execution was flawless.
Did you know that Germany came up with sparkling water? Right, who else would think of adding gas.